


Auditors deal with lots of explosions

by ivyness



Series: AU Yeah August 2018 [24]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, M/M, au yeah august
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-02 16:49:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15800637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivyness/pseuds/ivyness
Summary: Bond is an auditor, Q is in IT. Except not really.





	Auditors deal with lots of explosions

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know. I am very bad at doing AU-like things. They just can't stop being crazy.

Nobody liked the double 0’s. They had a habit of walking around the office like they owned the place, demanding things left and right, sticking their noses in other people’s business, and interrupting other people’s hard work.

Q ran his department like a well oiled machine, everything and everyone in their place, running their own little spheres of chaos. There were no deaths and no injuries and his department was well below the maximum permitted number of explosions for this year. There were no crying interns, and only three of his people had had mental breakdowns, none of which resulted in terminations, high levels of property damage, or sudden bursts of villainy. 

Unlike some other departments. 

Q did not like the double 0’s. They had a habit of marching into his department and making ridiculous demands of his people. They’d requisition things they almost certainly didn’t need and demand miracles when Q didn’t have what they wanted. And sure, Q was a miracle worker but he would appreciate a ‘please and thank you’ every now and then.

007 was the worst of the lot. Always breaking things and going ‘Oh, my komodo dragon ate it.’ as if that was a reasonable excuse for losing five thousand dollars worth of tech.

Q heard a sigh of longing and envy ripple through his department, heading towards his office, and Q steadfastly refused to look up from his desk. 

The smell hit him first, as 00-Fucking-7 dumped a huge, charred lump on his desk. It looked vaguely like the laptop Q had given the agent for his latest assignment, if the laptop had been put through a meat grinder and then smelted back together again in a frankenstein mishmash of random machinery. 

Q nudged the flaky mess with his pen and glared up at James Fucking Bond. “Who the hell do you think you are? Some sort of international vigilante spy? You,” he punctuated, flicking the ash off the tip of his pen in James’s direction, “You are an auditor. Why the hell are there explosions?”

James grinned down at Q, sharp and vicious, his gleaming white teeth on display. “And you’re just an IT geek. Why do you get to have explosions and I don’t?” James glanced around at the gawking interns. “At least you get subordinates to torture. I’m just a gun for M to point and shoot.”

“Mhmm, is that what they’re calling it now,” Q said, unconvinced.

James shrugged, a predatory roll of his broad shoulders, and grinned when he caught Q staring.

Q glared from beneath his blush. “I thought I told you to bring my equipment back in one piece.”

James knocked on the table beside the ruined laptop. It sagged to one side and spit ash all over Q’s paperwork. “I brought it back didn’t I? And it’s one piece.”

“This is subpar even for you 007. Meeting the minimum standards of competency will not win you any awards.” Q said as he brushed the ash off his desk, purposely aiming for the front of James’s well-tailed, beige suit. 

“Oh dear,” James said, grinning like a shark as he rounded the desk to loom over Q, and he sat against the desk, one leg up to squash Q’s neglected paperwork, legs open like venus flytrap, “No reward? Oh, whatever shall I do.”

Q glared at his face and resolutely did not look down. “Everyone out!” he called out the door of his office, refusing to look away from James’s amused smirk.

“But-” he heard one of his interns call only to be quickly shushed and herded out by one of the more veteran employees of Q branch. Q made a mental note to give them a raise.

When everyone was out and all was quiet, James ran a heavy, proprietary hand through Q’s hair, cupping his cheek and leaving a mess of soot, ash, and who knew what else on Q’s face. “Whatever shall we do?” James asked, tugging at Q’s curls.

Q grasped James’s rough, calloused hand, dark with ash ground into the groves of his fingers, and bent to gently lick the pad of his thumb with a sharp smile. “I’ve got a couple ideas.”


End file.
